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User blog:Iamthelegion/Eragon vs Harry Potter
This battle is my piece de resistance, still in progress of writing. A hundred man battle royale. Currently 89 characters into it. I'll continually be updating it. Please comment ideas for people to put in the battle. Criteria: Male lead protagonist in a film, preferably good guys. This is basically a royale for the best movie ever. I think that's justifiable. Without further ado, ERAGON VS HARRY POTTER: Harry Potter: Don't you know who I am little dragon boy? I am the boy who lived, eat you like a koi The chosen one to defeat Lord Voldemort A kid on a tiny dragon beat me? What a rort Curse you both, blast you off of your blue pet Before you go, don't say something you regret When I Avada Kedavra for what you say Eragon This elf will die, your as threatening as Porygon My series has critical acclaim and success Your movie stunk, and to that fact I can attest Eragon: I will smite you without Saphira's help Potter Your uglier than Voldemort, the Urgals or otters Curse me? I think I have more experience there Only took three books to win a war and play fair Slice through your tiny little wand with Brisingr Not afraid to take on your school and hillsinger Stomp your giant, better than the Narnia crew And you need a broomstick, on Saphira I flew Quidditch? What the heck is that you punk? I will live for millenia, train dwarves with spunk Part of so many species you can't even count Fight a troll, did u see the first head I did mount Bury you like my father, uncle and my teacher If you touched Saphira then Firnen'd bleach ya Punch you from Hogwarts over to Farthen Dur End you like Shrike and Galbatorix and more Scream out Brisingr when I shoot you down Get into Hufflepuff with all your dumb nouns Got languages like Tolkien, u got beat by Frodo I know this isn't the case for us but still YOLO Come, try to come at me like Cedric and foes Just like a Shade fall beneath all my blows Harry: Guess I'll just pull out Sectum Sempra, so lame Trap you in Azkaban, you can't touch my fame Listen to Hagrid: I'm a wizard, outta Hogwarts Your plan to cull me like Cedric I will go thwart Yes I lost to Frodo and Luke, you lost 2 Murtagh Squish you like the Hulk and bring a body bag Accio my hood, beat you with my magic rock Fawkes got my sword, blind you like Brock Got the Deathly Hallows and Gryffindor Sword Dobby just clicked in Dumbledore's Army horde How many people have you failed? Seriously? Not even Neville died, you should just go flee Today your tea leaves read just a black wolf Call Lupin on you and take this on the hoof Today you enter the Chamber of Secrets inferior Beheaded so many snakes and guys ur superior And how many side-plots have you gone & did Twins, Razac, Murtagh, Rory and the witch kid Plus your love life, bro dwarf and Urgal stuff That's just off the top of my head, I'm tough Tougher than you could ever claim to be man Victor like Bulgaria, do you even have one fan Won the wizard cup, beat Bartie Crouch Junior I am the Eldest, you're only just a blue loser You can't just pick one species, and you admit Avada Kedavra, I'm gone, I'm done with my bit Eragon: Like no one has tried to kill me with spells Harry Fought off elves and Shades, I will not tarry Do u know the level of enemies I leave no trace Know I'll leave u with more than a scarred face When Brisingr slices up and through your blade Absorbs what makes it better but no fire made? Plus your crew is a joke, it started with moRon Video game excellence, yours are beat by Pong Phoenix named after Guy Fawkes, reference Ja Plain beat ya fair and square bring a Dementor Reveal to you my Inheritence, got me a Glaedr Don't forget Lord Valdr to beat schoolboy haters Bury you deeper than my brother's huge nation Potter, you should've avoided this confrontation Percy Jackson: As should you, get back on yer little dragon boy Survived through a Sea of Monsters no evil ploy My pen is mightier than both of your metals Wither from my slices like a rose with its petals Since its up to me alone to take down posers Pull out Zeus's lightning bolt to shake dozers Just like Jeff from the Wiggles, just go retire Harry should Accio parents since that fire But why would Eragon try to come and win When its only one movie, four books he is in Super skillful I have taken down real Titans End you like Hercules and the Nemean Lion Peter (Narnia): The real lion in films is my main man Aslan Better than you three punks and all of Japan Stab you right in the back in the White Queen My movies has more religion than you've seen Come on Percy, you ripped off of Greek myth Potter is potty, he's gone too heavy on absinthe Wanna talk about swords, see what I wield Fought for King and Country, best in our field That's right, I fought it all for me and my sisters Edmund is a disgrace like Eragon and mister Jackson, took down a little dude and a big guy Lived through 2 wars at once wanna know why Eragon could live his whole life in our realm And I'd just be on a UK HMS warship's helm Luke Skywalker: Dude really man, are you straight up kidding me Got the best movies, a groundbreaking trilogy All you guys are follow-ups, I'm like Clark Kent Kill you like Sidious, your best effort is spent Talk about swords? I have an HTG lightsaber And when it comes to worlds I'm a lifesaver Heck man, I saved the entire universe twice Mark Hamill is more prolific than Vanilla Ice Seeing the galaxy in the Falcon, can't beat me Eragon's movie sucked more than one by DC Percy thinks Earthly deities actually matter Harry is done, my wallet is just getting fatter Peter should run back to his little Civil War I have a galactic invasion to thwart and more R2deets on my side, he can back me up man My appearance shows that the mess hit the fan Frodo Baggins: Think Tattooine is tough? Try going to Moria Fighting off Nazguls with ghosts before ya Still I chucked the ring in the active volcano My uncle has a better trilogy to remain oh While my parents are dead, Luke's is evil Plus Anakin started off nerdier than Steve Urkel Percy you're plot flaws come in by the megaton How many books did it take to get the job done Harry, please, Sauron is much more of a threat Than you're defective nemesis, what regret Peter, my war left me with countless enemies Drop your shield, my Sting is like an anenome And on to dragon boy, you're books dragged on Won this battle, leave you out like Sarumon Neo: You kidding me shortstuff? Step into my Matrix When it comes to trilogies I make it a hat trick Eragon had one, Percy had two, Peter the same Inspired sequels & ripoffs, can't touch my fame Peter misses out on his third movie, I do not Agent Smith starts a fight scene like Kakkarot What's with you guys and swords? I spit lead Got mists of fists too, so six losers end up dead Percy, back off, you can't connect with Poseidon No water to heal you from all that I'm reciting Potter boy, just your scar will remain in the end When I leave you deader than Mad-eye or Fred Luke, I move 2 fast for your saber to come close Screen wipe your face off, kill all your cameos Leave you with C3PO more holes than Ryan Frodo you never had a chance, and I ain't lying Wolverine: None of you ever really did, I'm the best there is Just how much Revolution failed can't be fixed Unlike X-men Origins, that's already been done There is a reason I got these claws and here's 1 I beat fists and bullets, what do ya got now bub Berserker Rage through the whole area, scrub Be surprised if you can move around legless Frodo, better off than Bilbo, hotter than Legolas Sting me with your dagger, listen for the SNIKT That's when you realise you've been tricked Most OP healing from Lobo to Incredible Hulk Slash straight through you, leave bodies in bulk Come at me bub, I'm best there is at rapping Feral like my name, don't care who I'm hacking Mind shuts off and I go to total anti-stealth Stick out more than Neo's attire and wealth Slash bullets straight outta the air, like a king This battle royale means I knock 7 out the ring Just like the one that turned Frodo evil & bad That Luke thought he'd win makes me so sad Kick Eragon of his high horse with this defeat Let Peter sink in his unseen, unencoutered seas Jack Sparrow: Aye mate, good that you would try to drown im Cutlass firm in my hand, swag up to the brim But I put little Hugh Jackson down in the brig Pull out a bottle of rum and take a deep swig Let us see how you heal if you got scurvy mate Private man of fortune, you ingrate half-rate Full of wit, clever enough to understand Neo Are you an anagram of one or acronym Natgeo Your movies were crashed by a man in white Seems like Blackbeard would have more might Peter, I'll outfence you like Zorro, see my plan I make up my verse as I go along like Batman But wait, that's spoilers I shall not reveal Saved like a mermaid for doubloons is the deal You will all remember this as the day that You almost defeated Captain Sparrow, Jack But instead I unleashed a cannonball torrent One shot like Rango, bigger than Broly's mullet Ben 10: In the right position in this rap battle royale Despite Man of Action's mess, fans are loyal Got Fourarms to hold off any cannonballs But I'll Fasttrack to my point, the pitfalls Of being as lame as that big chump Aang Heatblast up a Swampfire, break what u brang Pesky Dust a Kickin Hawk to make a Snareoh Out of these guys trying to be the next pharoah Percy, you don't really Greymatter at all so When I do the hard work don't claim the credit o Why should I bother driving it into your head Since its obvious Mr Ditto here is braindead And that's on top of being a dyslexic Echo Of a mighty race passed away like numero Uno Yall don't get it, its about permanent sacrifice But would you like a chance, roll the dice The Timepiece still clocks down to nothing But you must be Chromastoned to try and win I had a Brainstorm, Luke is just bluffing this Listened to his one and every ineffectual diss Call up the Maxforce and leave you Pierced Hole in a chest like was tried by Daddy dearest Faster, stronger, beat up aliens and superheroes So that takes out Wolverine, makes survivors 0 Got an Eyeguy on each one of you for all time Beat you all up in the Street not for one dime Ryu: Shoryuken try to take me on, I fight in the street In battles I beat foes till their beat to the beat Kid can't even count, he's got over ten forms I got such elaborate gameplay you're wartorn Charging up my Hadouken, like for M Bison Bite off your ear Jack, like I'm really Mike Tyson Moves more complicated to say then perform Got real guile and games, just ask Laser corn Is this a joke? I'm fighting like five little kids Bust through you Ten just like Aggregor did Percy, you better head back to your stream Or I'll haunt you like I do Vega's worst dreams Harry, step off, I'll leave u with more than scars Smash you like a Bludger and win this by far Hadouken Peter like Son Goku's the name Just like Narnia, you will never be the same Frodo, grow some, before we all step on you Leave Luke like C3PO, this los he can't compute Neo, I'll put you down, you and your dodging Kick your face thrice and collect the cha-ching And clawy boy, I'll blast them off like a mask Hit you so hard you actually remember ur past Because, who can't beat a man with knives Beat through your healing factor and cat lives Like a boss without measure, blazed through Ten boys too bad at fighting to be called noobs Sam Witwicky: Luckily though, you fit the title perfectly Ryu And I have the calibre backup to defeat you Buzz around like I'm a real life Bumblebee Biggest troll cinema and TV ever did see Jack, I'm one enemy you can't escape from Won two beautiful girlfriends before prom Because I blew up the school like Ben dreams Ben ultimate team is falling apart at the seams Three pyramids of awesomeness unlike Pete Ruler of a massive kingdom without streets Neo, prepare for more explosions than ever So you can't dodge, cast a gaze like Trevor Got enough explosions to win a small war Thank Michael Bay, epic like never before Luke, I've got a cube with your name on it Ryu, with my ratchet I'll knock you to Onett Frodo, you mountain climb, I blast through Puny New Zealand nature, take my own dues Like Optimus couldn't slice Saphira into pieces And Eragon would shoot a Starscream lease us Harry, leave your little wand on a lockdown bro Got Grimlock and Drift to beat up Magneto Got a Sideswipe in there at old man Logan yes Because when it comes to rapping, I'm the best True firepower, not scared of punks like Chucky Do I think I will win? You could say I feel lucky Dirty Harry: So you're feeling lucky, punk, good for you Sam Go ahead, make my day, it'll look good on cam As to the title, you got as much a chance as Lee Take out twelve wannabes, make ten and three Eragon, lets test your magic shield against lead Two guns with full clips means twelve dead Not going off half-cocked, its up like it does When it needs to leave rapped up punks in dust Sam, you have no class, I exude pure swag As to your anti-Semitic girl, don't want that hag In all honesty, I pimp fine unarmed and alone So how lucky are you Harry and your clones At least Neo knows you fight with guns out What was with all those swords, folly no doubt Jack, run back to your Black Pearl and 7 Seas Swing away a wannabe Spiderman plus me You're inspired, that's what's with the one shot Pete, bullets your end, no chance is what you got When so many melee fighters combat a star Take them all down, just wondering how far James Bond: You should wonder how long till u get gunned Down by the spy supreme, seven times no. one Take out children with my stone cold heart Diamonds are forever, but your lives just aren't I'm kicking your ass with license to kill ready Goldeneye aim, from Russia with love Freddy Because I got a bullet with a name to linger And I'll make your Skyfall with 1 shot, Goldfinger Hit Luke so hard he'll see Frodo in Middle Earth After I beat up Harry to Jack, for what its worth Neo, I'm the one with the Quantam of Solace Cook up a Wolverine and serve it with hommus Ryu, you fail, go back to fighting on the street With a clip full of disses Bond can't be beat Batman: Since I'm a scientist, I'll be testing that theory Waiting for you guys to finish up makes me weary I am the Dark Knight, I am pain from above Crush Derp-face in my hand like a dove I beat you once Bond, and I’ll take Frodo Destroy Peter and hope Harry does a YOLO Unlike me when I got hit by Omega Beams You punks plans are falling apart at the seams Luke and Frodo, I’ll send your times running amok Neo, Ryu, Ben take three letter words like a truck Jack, Wolverine and Percy, knock you all of the blimp And Peter’s broken, you can lock them up now Jim Terminator: You thought that was the end? You’re crazy Bruce I see fifteen chumps who are about to lose Loose so many bullets you’ll die in a few seconds Only one or two will survive, so I reckon Neo, you may dodge bullets but I’ll snap you in half You’re bragging makes even a robot start to laugh Just ask Agent Smith, you’ll be dead and buried Eragon, your speed may be unmatched but I’m ready Withstand your flame just like with Robocop I’ll be back but back your elven ass will be not Stronger than all of you, despite my robotic frailty Against my onslaught, you all are paling Blade: Actually Arnold, they just saw me walking in Harry, block all your spells with my blading Take out a half-size hater with a unique sword Take down Sam’s bots like I’m a Megazord Bond, get bent with your bullets I slice in pieces Everyone knows your name, so you can’t reach this I cull vampires by the dozens with a couple knives Man or beast, Batman won’t leave alive Since he’ll be broken just like he was by Bane I’ll leave an emo more messed up than Kurt Cobain I’m a legendary slayer, no one can touch my level Compared to me, Harry is worse than Neville Edward Cullen: Guess that makes two half-bloods for me to beat Drain all your blood and leave you out on the street Percy, get back to your camp, no way will you endure I’ll rip you apart like James and leave you in the sewer Steal Annabelle from your arms and leave a corpse Because I’m coming at you with full force Super speed, blink around with invincible chest And still you all think you’re even near the best? Suck dry Bruce’s accounts like I do his veins But I best have him facing away, I don’t want stains Shaggy: It’s time to solve a mystery: How anyone likes you You’re some half naked chump making me blue The cheesiest story line anyone has heard of Going and giving anything up for some love I gave up love for my best friends on many occasions I’m the hippest hipster, leave you as mental patients Fought fake monsters turned real so face me I may be scared but not even T-800 threatens see Short out your system, you’ve been beaten many times Still winning, against heroes or monsters with rhymes Iron Man: The name is Tony Stark and I’m richer than you all Bigger heartthrob than Cullen so you’ll fall Bruce thinks he’s a billionaire, pfft that broke kid? Shaggy as you are, I would rather face up against Sid Luke is supposed to be futuristic with his 2x4 tech? Invented that when I was 12, haven’t unveiled it yet Logan, Adamantium is a thing of the past, heard of Uru Sam, I’m a better a robot, Eragon face my CTHULU Made it last night, don’t even believe in magic If you think you’d last then this is tragic Because no one can beat the Stark on the Iron Throne You ain’t worth my time, I’ll leave you all alone Cat in the Hat: Goodbye Stark, guess that means I’ll dominate Shut down your little suit and take your date Have you looked at the time? It’s time I win Blade, shut up, your rhymes are just sin I give kids nightmares because I’m a beast T-800 was shut down because he’s the least Already took down a man called Shakespeare So I’ll take down Mr Jackson with a spear Gonna pull a rabbit out of my hat? No sorry I won this battle, so kids don’t worry Yes I shot down magicians and vampires alike And sent Witwicky back onto his little pink bike Freddy Krueger: You think you cause nightmares? Don’t you know me Beat the best and the worst, inspirational defeat Krueger is the literal lord of nightmares Make Stark wet his metal underwear No enemy can face down Freddy Intimidate all who see me so are you really ready This battle won’t end like when I fought Jason You’ll all surrender when you see who you’re facing Wolverine thinks he has claws, I’ll show him truth Bruce Wayne will win? Show me some proof Casey Jones: I live with mutant turtles why would claws scare me Freddy, you’re less frightening than Ron Jeremy Take down purple dragons, a blue one is a change Tech man with a Cthulu, man that’s strange And Freddy, this will end worse than with Voorhees I got a cooler hockey mask, can’t touch these Some of you call yourself vigilantes but don’t rate Pretty sure Shaggy is the coolest here, don’t hate Who needs to sleep when you’ve got coffee bro Trained ninjas in hockey, take you out in slow mo Star-Lord: (singing) I’m hooked on a feeling You’re high if you’re believing That you could be Star-Lord You should be ignored (rapping) But now to start rapping with a killer flow Seen all your crap, take it blow by blow Casey, you’re movie sucked like skipping stones Short out Robots and Avengers like clones I took down Ronan, that’s why I’m rolling Leave Ryu groaning, beat Bat with bowling The Cat being here just makes me embarrassed This will be sadder than Sephiroth versus Aerith Asterix: It would be if people actually liked you Rule all comics, it’s the indomitable Gaul to chew Out a group of losers smaller than I take daily Will I need Getafix’s potions to win maybe But that’s only if a real contender comes in Someone worthy of my calibre makes this begin Hooked on a feeling? You’re hooked on drugs Take these out faster than I take out Roman thugs Bat and Casey may have experience fighting numbers But let’s see if they, Harry or Peter can fight a thumper While Stark is the future today I’m happy with the past Good news is I saved the easiest for last A robot beaten by a pipe bomb and some kids Ben don’t rate the Omnitrix he’s sick I’m older than you Logan, and less sadistic Let’s see Sam take on this Gaelic mystic Ben Richards: I’ll take you on like I did the Running Man competition Tried to save the innocent, that is my admission I am a good man, save lives, even if I don’t succeed Rebellious as you may be, Rome hit Gaul out of AD This robot wannabe me has stolen my face So I’ll rip it off him and put him in his place Heroic man with an inspiring story that’s me And I’ll rule this life for everyone to see Take the hand I’m dealt and win regardless While all you chumps are left cardless Asterix, you’re about to get taken down again And Quill you’re a worse hero than Ben 10 Rocky Balboa: I’ll punch out this man before he has a chance to run Have one verse and all opposition will be done Took out stars like Mr T and Dolph Lundgren with a fist If my trainer Mick wasn’t, no way will you be missed Leave both Schwarzenegger’s dead and Stalloned You all annoy me as much as my sons, take this alone Ryu, I’ll knock your little kung fu punk straight out Literal world champion, win a rap royale no doubt Because I have muscles so thick I punch meat Which none of you have so you’ve all been beat Agent J: Time for the black man in black to take this battle Blast you down with the hornet, and all your prattle Is inane and annoying, you can’t touch Agent J Take out Star-Lord like other aliens every day A pair of claws, of vamps, of half-bloods and punchers When it comes to ammo to unleash I’ve got a bunch of Shoot down Rocky, should have stuck to punching beef Leave Percy in pieces broken on the gory street Peter can’t take me on, don’t care about his boasts One and all of you chumps are my chocolate milk toast Riddick: Now you’re facing Riddick, send you back to Marvel Along with Stark, Logan and Star-lord with Mar Vell Stronger than Superman, I’ll outlast everything Look at my eyes, and then look at my bling Made it out of dead chumps like Jack Sparrow The dancing pirate’s chance of victory is narrow You can’t face what I’ve done, not Rocky not T800 Those aliens would give Freddy nightmares done Fred This is the chronicle of Riddick, you can’t beat Picard When I have won I’ll show you how to die hard McClane: Okay Riddick, a real man will show you how to Die Hard The name is McClane and I’ll go the ten yards Riddick, you’re a chump, I’ll rip out your eyes You’ll end up beaten and shot, don’t deny Along with your whole race, so don’t you dare Try to kill me off, equal competition is rare Ben better be a running man if he wants to live Wannabes are people I just don’t forgive Take out Bond before he turns around to fire Burn the house down on you losers with some fire The One: I am the one that will you take you all down Outlasted most of my alternates and went to the pound I’m a badass karate man, doing some moon jumps So I’ll fly in the air and spray bullets on you chumps Pretty sure that I’m faster than all of you, yes Neo After I plant one hit he’ll be flying like Rio Dodge all your attacks, but you can’t dodge mine The second last of me, I’ll repay in kind For all your lame disses you will sleep with the fishes So stone-hard I don’t want you guys to miss this Ryu thinks he can fight, and Balboa thinks he’s strong Unleash my fist of fury and prove you both wrong Shaggy back away, I promise this won’t be fun Since you are all about to come face-face with the One Vito Corleone: I’ll make you an offer that you can’t refuse Bow down to the Godfather or I’ll light this fuse Of a rap bomb, set to diss you all to death Leave you with no breath, make you bereft Of life, this Bruce Lee wannabe will get shot I am the winner in this battle, and J is not Eragon better get Era gone when I step in You say you’re the One, leave you dancing on a pin Harry, wash yourself now you’re in my presence None of you could face the threat that I present Because your facing Corleone, so please kneel Since half of you are hipsters, homie do you feel? Robin Hood: Do you feel that I’m about to loose wooden rain Headshot J, leave him screaming about pain Blade won’t make it far with an arrow in his chest The One who will win? Man do you jest Batman may have faced my ripoff Queen But I’ll amaze everyone who’s ever (argh – dies) Superman: The name is Kal-El the king of super kind Got Krypto on my back so you’ll find That it’s kinda hard to even get near To the pinnacle of hope making you fear The name is Hopeman, with the S emblem Floating in the clouds, leave you trembling Hood was a hood, a common crook is no more This is the Pisa straightening Supes, number four I am a badass Kryptonian, hit you harder than That Bizarro-ish chump called Nuclear Man The Doctor: You want to speak of heroes, I’ve stepped to the plate Before is I, the last Gallifreyan, the Doctor the Great Wouldn’t need Kryptonite to take down Clark Kent The one and only Doctor, understand what I meant Hood isn’t real, none of you actually are Even with super speed Superman won’t go very far Say you inspire hope? Please tell me you’re joking Marty McFly: Great Scott! You're still alive, you old fool But like Jason Bourne, you're just a big tool I ain't yellow, so I'll shoot you down straight This time a real man has stepped up to the plate I'm Marty and I'm so McFly like you can't deny No I'm not from Madagascar, and I'm wondering why Any of you think that you could pull a win off I mean, Rocky here is just a John Rambo spinoff King of all you see, that would be me loser Gonna leave this battle and go Back to the Future Green Lantern: Looks like this battle will be easier than Scott Say you'll win this battle, I know you will not Bats here calls himself super, he doesn't have powers How will Supes handle against some green meteor showers I fly through space taking out every Star Lord Listen to me Neo, and head out to the Fjord Because I'm fast enough to take down anyone I want And none of you could handle the ring that I flaunt Undertaker WWE Announcer: From Death Valley Nevada, it's the one and only Undertaker Undertaker: I came here for a real match, I just see some more fakers Keep rolling on this beat like my name was Limp Bizkit Asterix, listen to your verse and Getafix it You think you fools are dark, you don't know the meaning J is here as a joke, on that hypothesis I'm leaning Stronger than half of you, with or without my urn You guys had crappy verses, I'm doing better on my turn Half of you fools think you're MacGyver End you one at a time when I use my Tombstone Piledriver John Cena: Didn't you listen Undertaker, your time is up Got beat by Brock Lesnar, while I'm still pumped You can't see me, no not even Superman And I know you'd be lying if you claimed you had a Batfan Because I'm Cena and I've seen ya and your lies Pretty sure Eragon is the Miz in disguise But don't let him fool you, because I'm awesome Feel free to taste, because this flow is raw son I know I'm a rapping wrestler, but who cares I'd run after Ben Richards, but he won't be there After all he's the Running Man, he knows to go So you all better back away from the MC with a killer flow Spiderman: Well I take killers down, this is no exception Came out as an instant king, Luke was still in conception Don't get shorty with me Frodo, I'll show you how to pun Get lost Neo, the truth is I am the One Batman's like a fat man, I already took him down Supes is so slow, I'll bullet time while he frowns Prepare to get knocked out with one punch Cena Stop with your lying, everyone can see ya Eddy boy thinks he's hot, I'll leave him hobblin' And scarred worse than the second Green Goblin Because I'm Spiderman, slumming in this battle Got powers so hot make an Iron Head rattle Web Jack's bullets straight out of the air Someone tell thelegion he doesn't understand fair Crocodile Dundee: You're right mate, otherwise I wouldn't be here Someone has to teach Hal the concept of fear Spidey thinks he's bright, his bimbo GF was valedictorian You better run away Marty, I'll destroy the DeLorean Come on, calling that a Blade, I'll show you a knife Have you all on your knees begging for your life The name's Mick Dundee, and the Croc faired better Have the real enemies not turned up yet, or Are they just not gonna be here, was this the wrong fight Still, I'll be ready to knock out your lights. Forrest Gump: Hello there mate, I have to say g'day I own Bubbagump shrimping, so pay You used my shrimp in your ad, I'll sue But first I'll be rapper forty-two I am the answer to why this battle hasn't heated up Because my flow is ice cold, I'll be abrupt I can rap faster than I run, but I don't need it I'll leave Spiderman in a Peter Parkinson's fit (credit to Mat4yo for that line) This is like a box of chocolates, I'll chew all of you out My voice knocks you back like a Dragonborn shout I'm Forrest Gump, just ask Lieutenant Dan This is the end, I'll lock Harry up in Azkaban Surely there are better entries than the Cat I'm gonna win, and that's all I have to say about that Leonidas: Hah! You think you had a chance in this THIS IS SPARTA, and I have a Spartan diss I'll take you down, won't need one man Smash you in the face with my shield, because I can I have muscles, tear of T's face Doctor and Kal-El, go back to outer space Riddick thinks he can fight, that would be brief Kill all of you faster than that chump Chief Maxwell Smart: Sorry about that Chief, should've finished this earlier I'm here to take out a couple rap murderers I got 99 problems, some of them still to come But they'll all be small, and mostly dumb Based on this Forrest and Double O seven Looks like I'll send a Superman to heaven Snuff out a Lantern's flame like I take out CHAOS Beat a Star-Lord and a Time Lord, because I'm a boss Real Smart, the best spy around town In CONTROL of this battle to make you frown Honestly, I wish we were in the Cone of Silence So I don't have to hear Leonidas verbal violence Agent 86 is taking this rap battle by storm Got a call on my shoe-phone, so you guys I gotta ignore Noku (DB Evolution): What's a phone? I just talk through King Kai I have over 9000 ways to make you die My grandfather is dead, I'll fight Piccolo Pretty sure you're all sick although My movie didn't sell well, I'll beat a Man of Steel I may not be able to fly, but at least I can feel Edward's verse was lamer than the movie I ripped off And Smart's appearance is more confusing than Hasselhoff David Hasselhoff: Why am I a surprise? I've been in several movies (in background: Hasselhoff!) I wouldn't Baywatch you Noku, your movie was a doodie (in background: ooh) Swim around, with or without SpongeBob on my back (in slow motion) Running in incredibly slow motion, no hacks (in background: it's true) (normal speed again) Swimming to victory like against Richard Simmons I know why Tony ran away, it was because Pepper beckons (in background: Whipped) Leonidas bro, I look better shirtless ask the fans (in background: oh yeah) To these four superflops, I'm about to show you a real man (in background: damn) I'm Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD so deal with that Like Seth McFarlane vs Matt Groening, leave you all groaning on the Matt Because I got Seth on my back, Hulk Hogan too I easily dominated this battle, nothing any of you could do Rambo: THIS MEANS WAR! You'll get shot straight down Idiots with fists and blades, in lead rain you drown I've fought in wars, a royale isn't much to do So Blade, divine judgement coming after you Take down a lookalike, I'm the best man here Haven't I taken down a Terminator before? Fear That's what I instill into everyone that I face SInce there are still some more to come, you guys won't place Jason Voorhees: It's Friday, I would hope you guys expected me I remember taking down Freddy when we were seen And wait! Is that my old punching bag Logan When it comes to rapping, I'll be the shogun I'm immortal, stronger than any of you jokes Any of you guys rumoured for succeeding is a hoax Come at me Harry, but you won't be leaving If any of you had fans they would be grieving Number Four: Hey Jason, you won't survive this pinball It's in real life, telekinesis and all Use my lumen to withstand Noku's attacks I fight Mogadorians so just get back Humans don't know war like Loriens I'll kill a hundred million before it ends Fight off Setrakus, Voldemort'd be Ash (Williams is coming up) Kent's got super powers? That's trash I'm so diverse in killing when I fight Show you all what harkens at night... (starts glowing) Indiana Jones: Coming in, it's the archaeologist Indiana Jones You better step back, both fools and my clones Haven't I already fought off Bond once? Now there's 98 more to make a dunce I fought Nazis and Arabs, like this is a loss This kid looks like mine but is weak and stutters lots No need for guns when you got a whip I hop at least one foe comes to who my hat I tip So far it's forty-nine posers and witches Hit you so hard, you'll all need stitches Rick Blaine (Casablanca): Welcome to Rick's cafe, I'm here to serve ya King of unclaimed lands, Casablanca to Persia Say you fought Nazis, I actually shot one You fifty losers ain't worth a hill of beans hun Not one of you got the ticket, trust me Like a turkey you'll be trussed, see I'm a true revolutionary hero with a plan (Sam): What if they come back boss? Rick: I'll play them again, Sam Sam Spade: You say my name, I'll take you down You're a corrupt murderer, get out of town A man has to remember his partner But now that's done I'll start your departure I'm an actually good detective Bruce world's greatest ain't a title to choose Unless your me, that's how it goes In rapping like detecting, evrybody knows Cool Hand Luke: What we got here is a failure to communicate Y'all a bunch of losers full of hate Best Luke and rapper, here and in the chain gang Take out a myriad of losers like BAM BANG You simply don't compare to a classic Luke's got a cool hand, I'm a maverick Now that's clear, absolutely no miscommunication Acing this royale with a 52 man domination Ferris Bueller: Didn't I see your movie in school once? Nevermind, I'll just outcool the dunce Today is my day off, don't hate Because, truth is, you don't rate I'm the best bro ever, you losers the worst I'm like a god in school, you got served With divine wrath I take this battle here I know how to win, the path is clear Dan Plainview: Your path is clear? Clear as mud I entered this battle, so There Will be Blood Rick Blaine? I prefer Rick O'shea I'm a noble man, so I take today My movie straight out dominates most of yours I'll leave this "Spider"man on all fours True Englishman, you spies are but duds Come on now, I told you there'd be blood Ender: I truely know you, but noone could ever love you Dan You're a less likely victor than Spiderman More than skilled enough to take you all I was tricked into genocide, but you will fall Not one of you is on my galactic level Harry Potter? I'd rather face Neville Some people got it, you 55 don't I'm referrinf to real skill, yes I boast Take down species and pros, yup Listen to me, and don't get up Scorpion: It's the Scorpion, you'll feel my sting Not bumblebee, hellfire is what I bring GET OVER HERE, not even the Running Man will get away Just like Quan Chi, you fools will all pay Plague you with bad acting, you Sub-Zero noobs I recommend you get your faces out of that tube Ender admitted he was feeling boasty You want a FATALITY? Well, here's a Toasty! Robocop: Targeting system ready to take down you crims I'm a cop from Detroit, the futuristic city of sin Scorpion's claims, now I wouldn't buy that for a dollar Dead or alive you're coming with me creep, but why bother I already took the Terminator for fun Today and forever, the Law has won Judge Dredd: I guess you must have foreseen me, as I AM THE LAW Take noth successes and fails like Jack and number Four High ex attacks so face this mega size BOOM I won't use my stun shots, this is your doom You won't like it when I let fly Trickshots left and right, no lie Your claims have been overruled by Dredd I see six feet of foes to leave dead Cole Sear: I see dead people, and soon you will join Leave Frodo deceased just like Gloin Those things worse than you guys (gestures at ghosts) I get hurt badly, but you fools cry You're 59 wimps I won't help on I'll ignore your haunts, rain or sun Shaggy's gonna go Zoinks and fail When I leave even Superman impaled Andrew (Chronicle): Why are you sixty even here, I'm the one with power I can fly, shoot lighting and start meteor showers So that kinda ends Bats, Superman and others Jack Sparrow better not talk about landlubbers Or I'll unleash my true power, stretch like a muscle I'm like a one-man team, and I have decent hustle YOu never could compete, especially the kids I'll upload your eviscerations as a YT vid Because I'm recording, with my badass flow Haunting you all like my name is MARIO Derek Zoolander: Andrew, you had no funeral I'm the best yagooglizer Spell this out like numerals Blow you all up like MacGyver Rapper slash model, not the other way around Rocky, is it really worth being a boxer When you lay all your friends in the ground About to teach you enemies Hard Knocks, er (hey) What? The Dude: Well, that's just like, your opinion, man From where I'm looking, I'll send Noku to Japan You don't want to Taker this dude in a rap brawl It'll be easy enough to leave you sprawled Hasslehoff sohuld speed up, stop running Your the kind of guys fools be shunning Take the Doctor's advice and calm down That's all you get from The Dude for now Ghost Rider: Time to Blaze into this battle, two movies After I destroy your soul, I'll drink Ben's smoothies Bats can't fight, call this Robin: MOTORCYCLE MONDAY Ghost Rider: Compared to my hellfire, Scorpion's like a sundae And Richards, running has gone out of style Got flaming chains to go the extra mile Your all moulded up like that foe, this isn't fair Take out most of you with my Penance Stare Ray Stantz: If there's some royale, in your neighbourhood Who's gonna win? GHOSTBUSTERS, for good Take you out quicker than a full torso apparition Goop on you like ectoplasm, that's tradition To fully ridicule those with ridiculous raps A gull temporal possession, that's the haps I'm picturesque, call this Renassaince Spray you with happy goo and end this at once I'll call up Egon, Winston and Venkman Ruin all of you like Star Wars by a Gengan (I know it's Gungan, but rhymez) Rorschach: Ghostbusters worth something? Must inspect further It's obvious, however, that this loser Cullen is perverted Going after a woman decades younger than him Regardless, time to wreck Blaze faster than his canon Call up my friend Nite-Owl to hack this first robot Twist up the second one manually, like my plot I'm ont locked in here with you, your locked in here with me I've learnt something since my youth, true moral decency But I'll still nuke this room full of degenerates (said raits) Under this radioactive dosage even the Doc won't regenerate I'll walk out successful, having blown this sky-high THAT'S WHAT I MEAN BY "THE END IS NIGH" Joe Black: Well, I guess now would be an opportune time for me to step in I'm Joe Black, but most of you would know me as Death, I reckon Reaping your souls, well, Supes, Logan and Blaze survived But you can't beat me, no foe can be he dead or alive You'll be swept up in my flow like it's the Styx The way half of you rap, your jonesing for a fix Regardless, it's time to do what I'm here for Taking you all out faster than the Dinosaurs Allan Grant: Well. That had a totally lasting effect I'm a real paleontologist, commanding respect Surviving two dinasour infested islands 67 ain't 99 fools, but who needs timing Tha man with no plan, here to improvise I may not be the biggest, but at least I ain't disguised Hold on to my hat better than Indiana or Jack This battle's getting primitive, I brought Jurassic back The Shadow: I did exactly the opposite to that guy descended from Genghis Khan Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows, its on I can see all the evil in the souls of these bragging deuced dunces Adrian Monk over Maxwell Smart, at least that is what Monk says Time to use tactics so advanced you can't even touch me Neo Serving so many losers and fails that I'm like a diss rap depot You don't want to face me, I'm basically Vito's god and Supes boss Batman was a ripoff of me, time to serve not Goku another loss Leave bullets in more guys than Rambo and Terminator combined Blaze and Scorpion's failures glows so much its turns us all blind Rorschach nukes nothing but maturity rating, I won't Meet Joe Black Excelling in this particular case so much you could call it LIFE HACKS!!! Jake Sully (in wheelchair): The Shadow? I overcome all shadows that I see Don't need my avatar to claim my victory You can't beat me, even though I'm crippled Today your future's passed, Wolvie knows about ripples The name sticks when it comes to marines A true professional is on the scene More a part of the Na'vi than Link or Zelda Time to end a Man Of Steel, call me a welder Leatherface: Well, I certainly am not a welder, HYARGH! (lunges with chainsaw) More of a reaver, leaving people in parts Bigger cannibal than Lecter, face the facts You won't feel the pain after the hack An avatar? That's just a bigger meal Let's call this Cinema Chainsaw Massacre, for real None of you will live to see tomorrow As the truth is, your life is borrowed Dracula: Fresh meat! You'll do quite nicely I find cannibal to be a little spicy I am Dracula, call me what you wish Truth is, only Blaze and Cullen are not a dish Shaggy is so pale, it's like he's seen a spectre (Rumbling in bushes) WAIT! WHO'S THERE? - Hannibal Lecter: - Hannibal Lecter I guess this is the cacophony of the lambs Led to the slaughter verbal, both steak and spam Pass the fava beans, would you, Leatherface? Trying to overtake me, a mockery of fate A few snacks here, nothing to tell Clarice With all my past, you will be the least I caught another killer, you may wonder why I would tell you, but I hanker for a tongue and kidney pie Sweeney Todd: Well, I can help there love, fancy a shave? I may have incinerated my wife, but I'm no knave Unlke Hood here, Ms Lovett - Robin pie to be made Scorpion too, a self-cooked meal for the shade So many choices, my barbery on the house But that flaming ghost should be doused Look at the time, I'll take a break But I need a snack- "Snake" Plissken: - How about some Snake? I've had enough with these cannibals, so I stepped in That's right, you poor losers are facing Plissken And trust me, these clips ain't full of blanks I'll obliterate Casey Jones, call me Krang A real militant Snake, unlike Solid, fools Call me a teacher, I'll leave you all schooled You won't Escape from my rhymes, I'm too good F this battle, I'm going to Hollywood Austin Powers: Leaving a royale? I also like to live dangerously I'm a brilliant and groovy man, win this thusly Mini-me could easily take down this gaggle I'm a lord of the sixties, you fools are cattle A shagadellic spy, Luke, I'm probably your Facjher (idk how to spell it) Got a Goldmember, ifyouknowwhatimean, I'm harder Leave seventy-five enemies fully wartorn I may be a Bond ripoff, but at least I'm not Jason Bourne Jason Bourne: You really think that? Here's a Bourne Ultimatum Proving my film the best, as to Bond's, I hate them You won't win, from Skyfall to classic Casino Royale And there are dozens of other targets to spoil (said "spoy-al") Beat any of you hand to hand, powered or not And Austin Powers? At least I don't live off pot If only Wolverine was more of a Silent Beast I proved my Bourne Supremacy to say the least And I want to mention the Ultimatum's essential clause Animals fails don't dare attack me from SNake to Ripjaws (you got your Ripjaws Alan) Quint (Jaws): Did someone say Jaws? I'm here as THE rep While you landlubbers are irrevocably inept Quint slices in, like Villager in Smash bros In deeper than Leonidas in Xerxe's flow (in background: "iykwim") Dun-dun. It's coming, and I'll proceed To turn you all into giant shark feed Scorpion, your non-victory is far from flawless Take foes out with a blade like Wallace William Wallace (Braveheart): You can take my surprise entrance, but you can not take my freedom to make these cineflops stop Fighting for Scotland, every Scotsman for freedom This Hood a green dyed hunter of the Apple of Eden Eviscerate, Emasculate, decapitate all these yanks You'll be drawn and quartered, call me Longshanks Conquer this battle just like I did York At least Riddick isn't played by the one with the mohawk John "Hannibal" Smith: Don't diss B.A., you were executed you mongrel fail Your just pissed because you can't get any tail Come on, I'm the brains of the A-Team I'll defeat Superman, you can call me Dream Conquer this easily, without my crew When the second Hannibal arrived, you were screwed It's obvious Joe Black is no average Joe Agent J? At least it isn't the G.I. ho Snake-Eyes: Time for a warrior to cast a Storm Shadow over this meathead Take on the GI Joe team, then both Hannibals will be beaten Swipe fast, covertly tracking you, call me a Stalker, harlots Call Timber! as I slice these blockheads, bleeding Scarlett A Real American Hero, unlike these half-rates from comic films Poisonous like a Cobra, a Hard Master, easily racking up kills I move with the wind, and you are never heard... again. Unlike McFly, when I go Commando, I'm still wearing underpants Axel Foley: You've been disturbing the peace, time to come down on crime Going to shoot down wack gang leaders hopes with dope rhyme Because if you wanna start some static, guns through Corleone Put a banana in all your tailpipes, cuz you spitting baloney I'm a supercop, and you'll be copping Lucky Strikes all over Black man raps like machine gun fire, a lyrical bulldozer I'll put you in a Wonder World of hurt, call it jaywalking Harry and Dredd thought themselves officers, you're joking. Inspector Clouseau: Oui! All three of you are truly incompetent and unprofessional My rapping is diamonds, my post-verse time for your confessional Needless, am I, of the company of other low grade detectives A man all for my own, in my rapping the truth, it is reflected Snake-Eyes, cold as a snowStorm, Shadowed as the Cloud of Turin Yet like helicopters, the blades of my raps are your undoing! Like a Green Beret raid, my shots go straight through your wicket This is a No Standing zone, you're going nowhere, here's a ticket Napoleon Dynamite: Gosh! You remind me strongly of a Dude I already wrecked! Take diamonds from under your nose, and vote for Pedro next And all four of you policeman will be known as Canned Heat My illegal government ninja skills'll kick you to the street Spitting harder than Antina, like I'm firing a twelve gauge Like dancing, disses so wet, it'll put out Nicholas Cage Enlarged flow hybrid like a liger, draw you out of the picture Sure to screw Batman over much worse than a tongue twister! Phil Connors: Time for real comedy to comeback, enough of this indie nonsense Dug a deep hole for yourselves, like the dirt weasel's sponsors Play you off finely, call me a class act, Sam won't play it again Though I suppose he will when I start this battle over, I guess Lived on after burning, so your rhymes wouldn't do much to me Be a miracle for any other than comeback king to get victory But I'll be gunning Bond down faster than any embossed repeater Because my lyrics have an aurum aura, you could call me a cheater Charles Foster Kane: You ought elect to conduct yourself with a modicum of common sense Because this old news anchorman's rebirth has run dry and justice shall be dispensed You feel what Welles up inside you? It's sheer joy and admiration As I Chuck out the competition like I assumed my magnate station I'm a grand man, magnanimous personality for a diss dispatcher Looking at Bond I can tell I could have gotten worse from a Thatcher Read it in my papers, I'm a marvel like no-one has known, thus You should've noted that thorns grow before the Rosebud! Oskar Schindler: You've wasted your raps like you squandered your petty life! I should ditch you like your parents! Ooh, did I strike a gold mine? Emboldened by my heroism, saving cripples and Ashkenazis But a miserable wreck like you I'd happily Anne Frank to the Nazis! I had children go in the small spaces to perfect the triangulation Of the bullet I'll fire from this Luger into your smug, worthless faces! Then put my schwanz in Bella's Swan, she says I've got the better ding Beat Nazis AND terrorism! I'll cross that off Schindler's list! Zorro (Antonio Banderas): Gaze at the Mask and you can't keep calm and Carrey on For when I turn on the charm this gentleman is uncontestable I freed the slaves before Lincoln ever had the balls And with a slash I'll leave you like three fingers for a close call Don't duke with a duelist, I'm known to slash and hack And then spend the evening with your daughters in the sack! You may call me a scoundrel but the top Don got the gold flowing I stormed on this battle, for I am the son of Odin! Ash Williams: Beat the Necro noms, I conned those Medieval pricks So your time's up, assholes, this here's my boomstick! Say that was off-hand? Hardly my first time Beat you with science on top of the rhymes! Masked man, I'm bored by your slow, stilted style I've seen more life from a gang of Deadites! I already killed Spiderman so brings some spin, darl Else I'll decapitate you like I did to Linda! Outro: Coming up: Jules Winfield, Lawrence (of Arabia), Atticus Finch, Dominic Toretto, Georg Von Trapp, Jack Dawson, Chris Taylor, Andy Dufresne, The Man With No Name and Jesus Christ. Who Won? Harry Potter Eragon Percy Jackson Peter (Narnia) Luke Skywalker Frodo Baggins Neo Wolverine Jack Sparrow Ben 10 Ryu Sam Witwicky Dirty Harry James Bond Batman Terminator Blade Edward Cullen Shaggy Rogers Iron Man Cat in the Hat Freddy Krueger Casey Jones Star-Lord Asterix Ben Richards Rocky Balboa Agent J Riddick McClane The One The Godfather Robin Hood Superman The Doctor Marty McFly Green Lantern Undertaker/Announcer John Cena Spiderman Crocodile Dundee Forrest Gump Leonidas Maxwell Smart/Agent 86 Noku David Hasselhoff Rambo Jason Voorhees Number Four Indiana Jones Rick Blaine (Casablanca) and Sam Sam Spade Cool Hand Luke Ferris Bueller Dan Plainview Ender Scorpion Robocop Judge Dredd Cole Sear Andrew (Chronicle) Derek Zoolander The Dude Ghost Rider and Robin Ray Stantz Rorschach Joe Black Allan Grant The Shadow Jake Sully Leatherface Dracula Hannibal Lecter Sweeney Todd Snake Plissken Austin Powers Jason Bourne Quint William Wallace John "Hannibal" Smith Snake-Eyes Axel Foley Inspector Clouseau Napoleon Dynamite Phil Connors (Groundhog Day) Citizen Kane Oskar Schindler Zorro Ash Williams Category:Blog posts